Quote of the Stupid

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway
"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio
"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer
"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio
"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.
"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)
"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

Inner Beauty

Personals Ad: "Physician, 35 - Desires to meet that special woman with real inner beauty. Send X- rays to: Dr. Mellonchop, BOX 67."

True Signs

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
• On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
• At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
• On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
• In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
• In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
• In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
• In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
• On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercings"