Wife Places ad for Husband
I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."
Real Classified Ads 02
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED
NY Times Ad
Ad seen in the New York Times... FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f#*#ing everything.
- Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed -- $100.
- Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
- Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
- Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
- Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor's dog.
- Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
- Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward.
- Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained.
- Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.
- Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
Real Advertisements - 2
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.
- Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
- A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.