Real Classified Ads 02

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

NY Times Ad

Ad seen in the New York Times... FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f#*#ing everything.

Real Advertisements - 2

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 
• Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.