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• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
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• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
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Signs And Notices 15

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
• Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
• Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
• Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."
• Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
• Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
• Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"
• Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

More Church Bloopers!

1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
4. Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
5. The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
6. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
7. Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
8. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
9. Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
10. Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
11. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
12. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"
13. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
14. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
15. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!