Real Advertisements 3

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• Sheer stockings: Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. We build bodies that last a lifetime.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Bumper Stickers Seen

Bumper Stickers Seen

• You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
• I have the body of a god... Buddha.
• This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
• Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
• The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.
• Illiterate? Write for help.
• Honk if anything falls off.
• He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
• This isn't my idea of a good time.
• It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
• Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
• This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
• I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.
• Oh, evolve!
• Gone crazy be back shortly.
• If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

9 Comments From Olympic Commentators

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"