Awesome Senior Moment

There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?' The old woman looked up at her and said, 'Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your behind and open it.'

Bad Corporate Slogans

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world. 

• Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?" 
• MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
• Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"
• Iguana: "The other green meat."
• Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
• Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
• Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"
• Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
• Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
• Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

The Preacher And The Donkey

A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his donkey came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased that he entered the donkey in another race. This time it won and the paper said:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10.00. The paper said:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
...They buried the bishop the next day.