Telegram Dogs

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Awesome Senior Moment

There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?' The old woman looked up at her and said, 'Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your behind and open it.'

Bad Corporate Slogans

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world. 

• Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?" 
• MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
• Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"
• Iguana: "The other green meat."
• Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
• Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
• Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"
• Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
• Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
• Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"