Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

• Bible Church's focus is the Bible.
• Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994 Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons.
• Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6 Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity.
• The Chicago Tribune, March 5 Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear.
• Journal of Commerce, April 20 Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person.
• The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2 Lack of brains hinders research.
• The Columbus Dispatch, April 16 How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart.
• Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5 Fish lurk in streams.
• Rochester, New York, Democrat + Chronicle, January 29.

Missing Elephant

Zoo Keeper: "I've lost one of my elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper: "Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper: "Don't be silly, he can't read!"

Telegram Dogs

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!