Signs and Notices

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Podiatrist

Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

Procrastination Station

Craigslist Ad:
Are you in need of a designated area at which to not do the things in your life that need doing? Boy, are you in luck. In addition to the standard desk features like top, bottom, and sides, this particular command center comes equipped with a built-in excuse feature. The Bottomless Drawer is guaranteed to lose bills you can't afford, homework you don't understand, and divorce papers you aren't ready to sign. The other drawers are perfect for hoarding popped bubble wrap, bent paperclips, fast food receipts, inexplicably sticky cough drops, and inkless pens. Our treasures have been cleared and cleaned to make room for yours.

For the most excellent price of FREE, you can get in on this sweet, sweet action. Leave this beast in its raw form to lend legitimacy to your Anthropologie faux found decor, or slap on a few coats of pastel Annie Sloan and some "Live Laugh Love" decals to assume your rightful place as a shabby chic Pinterest legend. You hold the power.

Just when you thought it couldn't get better: It's already outside, out front, and ready for loading- no awkward human contact required, except for with the friends that you bring with you in the truck that you *will* need. It is startlingly heavy. Like, spaceship heavy. I'll delete the post when someone has stopped procrastinating long enough to pick it up.