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The best jokes and joke writers!

Hidden Cameras

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

December 18, 1992 - Michael J. Schmidt, 29, set up a hidden video camera at his home near Superior, Wis., because he had been burglarized several times and thought he could catch the culprits in the act. The burglars came back and were captured on tape, which Schmidt turned over to the sheriff. Among the items the burglars took from Schmidt's house was a box containing eight marijuana plants. Schmidt was charged with misdemeanor drug possession.

Signs and Notices 17

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
  • An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
  • Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
  • On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"
  • A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
  • Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."

Signs

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!"

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."

Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet."

Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."

Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)."

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."

Unpaid Parking Tickets

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Chicago Tribune - William P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he had 375 unpaid tickets.

Bumper Stickers

  • I love animals, they taste great.
  • EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
  • "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest!
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.