Impressive Jobs

When I'm trying to impress a girl, I tell her I work in the oil business for one of the world's biggest companies.
Sounds better than "I make the fries at McDonalds"

Zoo Visit

I went to a zoo and there was a baguette in a cage.
The keeper said it was bread in captivity.

Romaine Alert

The Romaine empire has fallen.
Caesar is dead.
Lettuce pray.