Order at a Restaurant

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit, "I was keeping it warm." Disgusted, the wife says, "Please cancel my hotdog order."

Snack Light

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?

Things Never Said By A Southerner

Things never said by a southerner

• Duct tape won't fix that.
• Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
• We don't keep firearms in the house.
• You can't feed that to the dog.
• The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
• Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
• We're vegetarians.
• Do you think my gut is too big?
• Honey, we don't need another dog.
• Who's Richard Petty?
• We could just share a small bag of pork rinds.
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
• Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
• The tires on that truck are too big.
• I've got it all on the C drive.
• There's too much sugar in this tea.
• Checkmate.
• I believe you cooked those greens too long.