Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Good, Bad, Worse

Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other.
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The teacher is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: You get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.

Family Argument

When you and your mama had an argument, it was a battle of the wits. Nit versus Dim. Then your dad joined, and it was Nit versus Dim verses Half.