Blossom and Porky

An old lady notices a little girl frolicking in the park with her dog. She asks, "What's your name, little girl?" "Blossom," answers the girl. "Oh, that's a beautiful name. How did you get it?" "Well, my mommy was pregnant and a blossom fell out of a tree and landed right on her tummy, so she named me Blossom." "Oh, that's so nice. What's your dog's name?" "Porky." "Why Porky?" "Because he f**ks pigs."

Christmas Eve Cookie Dough

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Billy came running downstairs. ''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

Angry Strawberries

Q: Why were the strawberries angry?
A: Because their parents were put into a jam bottle.