Blossom and Porky

An old lady notices a little girl frolicking in the park with her dog. She asks, "What's your name, little girl?" "Blossom," answers the girl. "Oh, that's a beautiful name. How did you get it?" "Well, my mommy was pregnant and a blossom fell out of a tree and landed right on her tummy, so she named me Blossom." "Oh, that's so nice. What's your dog's name?" "Porky." "Why Porky?" "Because he f**ks pigs."

Angry Strawberries

Q: Why were the strawberries angry?
A: Because their parents were put into a jam bottle.

You Might Be A Redneck 39

You might be a redneck if...

• One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
• You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
• You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'