Your Wife And A Lawyer

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

Husband, Wife and Donkey

'Once there was husband and wife who had just bought a new mule. They were walking it down the street when the mule trips over a stone. The husband says, "That's one!"
They walk some more, when the mule trips over a stone again and the husband says, "That's two!" Then the mule trips over a stone again. The husband says, "That's three," and shoots the donkey! The wife gets so mad and start's cursing at the husband and saying, "That was are only donkey! You were an idiot to shoot it!" The husband says to his wife, that's ONE!"

The Envelope

My wife doesn't know it, but every time we have sex I put $1 in an envelope. I'm saving that money and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken.