The Cruise

An elderly couple was on a cruise, and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, but we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise?"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"

Always By My Side

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" She asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck."

Arachnophobia

My girlfriend says she has arachnophobia
How does she know, she has never met anyone from Iraq.