Dad Stealing

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Parental Dictionary

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings
Dumb Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house

Banana Truth

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I continued. "It’s true!" "When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"