Murphy Won the Irish Sweepstakes

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"

Paddy and Mick and the Three Grenades

Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy replies, "Then we'll lie and say we only found two!"

Paddy and the Cop

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.   A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"