Walking in Ireland

A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became hungry, so he decided to stop and ask for something to eat. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied, "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

Guinness Tragedy

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'  to tell ya."  "Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim.  But where's my husband?"  "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."  "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."  "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."  Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"  "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."  "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"  "Well, no Brenda, no."  "No?"  "Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

Irish Test Tube Baby

A man walked into a bar and says, "my daughter just had the first Irish test tube baby." He says, "it was a girl and she was conceived in a bottle of Guinness."
The bartender says, "what does the baby look like?"
The man says, "she is dark, thin, and has a good head on her!"