I'll Tell Them Slowly

"Hey," said a new arrival in the pub, "I've got some great Irish jokes." "Before you start," said the big bloke in the corner, ", I'm Irish." "Don't worry," said the newcomer, "I'll tell them slowly."

Paddy and His Goldfish

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.   The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "Yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"

Murphy's Wife

Murphy tells Quinn, "My wife is driving me to drink!"
Quinn replies, "You're very lucky!  My wife makes me walk!"