Christmas Party

A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there. I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, "I believe it's snowing". "No, it looks too wet to be snow," he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow...Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"

German Gross

Q: What's gross?
A: German porn.
 
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: People who watch it.

War is War

During World War II a group of German soldiers capture a French village. “Hand over all your food,” says the German officer to the Mayor . “But all we have left is a few scraps of bread,” protests the Mayor. “War is war,” replies the officer. “Hand it over.” After the Germans have eaten, the officer says, “Now give us your wine.” “We have nothing but a single bottle,” says the Mayor. “Tough,” says the officer. “Hand it over. War is war.” Once the Germans have drunk the wine, their officer says, “Now we want women. Hand over every girl in the village.” “But we have none,” replies the Mayor. “They have all fled. The only woman left is Madame Blanc, and she is over 90 years old.” “We don’t care,” says the officer. “War is war. Hand her over.” So the Mayor brings out Madame Blanc, who slowly starts taking off her clothes. The German officer gulps as he watches the old woman undress, “Uh, look, on second thought, we won’t bother…” he says. “Not so fast, Fritz,” replies Madame Blanc, dropping her underwear, “War is war.”