Make Me A Newfie

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?" "Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain. "The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

Stubborn Camel

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.
The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"
The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.
The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"

French Kitchen

Q: What do you get after a grenade is thrown into a French kitchen?
A: Linoleum Blownapart.