You are from Canada

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....

• You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
• You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• The mosquitoes have landing lights.
• You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
• Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
• You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
• You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
• You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
• At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
• The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
• Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
• You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
• You head south to go to your cottage.
• You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
• The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
• You find -40C a little chilly.
• The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
• You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
• You can play road hockey on skates.
• You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
• The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
• You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.

Canadian Drivers

How to identify a Canadian driver:

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA
4. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: SASKATOON, but driving in TORONTO
5. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY
6. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER
7. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER
8. Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: PRINCE GEORGE
9. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA
10. One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out front window scrapping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: WINNIPEG

The Canadians

There were three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer and a Vancouver guy. They came across a lantern and a genie popped out. "I will give you each one wish; that's three wishes in total!" The Newfie said, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish". Poof! The oceans were full of fish. The Quebecer was amazed! He said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so nothing will get in!" Poof! There was a wall around Quebec. The Vancouver guy said, "Tell me more about this wall." The genie said, "Well it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." So, the Vancouver guy said, "Fill it up with water!"