Irish Test Tube Baby

A man walked into a bar and says, "my daughter just had the first Irish test tube baby." He says, "it was a girl and she was conceived in a bottle of Guinness."
The bartender says, "what does the baby look like?"
The man says, "she is dark, thin, and has a good head on her!"

Last Election

At a U.N. meeting Nikki Haley turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "Before bleakfast."

Train Robbery

Q: Why did the Mexican guy rob the train?
A: He had a loco motive.