Polish Man Filing for Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: "Have you any grounds?" "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home." "No, I meant what is the foundation of this case?" "It's made of concrete." "I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" "No, we have carport, and not need one." I mean, what are your relations like?" "All my relations still in Poland." "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player." "Does your wife beat you up?" "No, I always up before her." "Is your wife a nagger?" "No, she white." "Why do you want this divorce?" "She going to kill me." "What makes you think that?" "I got proof." "What kind of proof?" "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'"

Fair business

Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to the city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?", asked the Banker, curiously.  "I have a horse.", said the old man.  "How old is it?", said the banker.  "Don't know, has no teeth.", replied the old man.
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.  "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"  "Put in teepee.", replied the old man. "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the banker asked. "Don't know deposit.", responded the old Native American.  The banker replied, "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."  The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

Jump Off Genie

A Polish man, a German guy, and an American dude, climb a mountain because they each want to make a wish from the genie on the top. When they make it to the top, they find the lamp and all rub it. The genie appears and says, "For your wish to be granted, you must yell it out while you are jumping off of this mountain." So the German jumps off and yells, "I wish to be a fighter plane!" "So be it," the genie says, and the German becomes a plane. The American jumps off and yells, "I wish to be an eagle!" "So be it," the genie says, and the American becomes an eagle and flies away. The Polish man runs to the edge, accidentally trips on a rock, and yells, "I wish to b- oh S**t!"