African Roulette

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American. "That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette." "Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."

Chinese Anniversary

Went to a Chinese restaurant today with my new girlfriend to celebrate our two month anniversary. The philosophical message in my fortune cookie read, "Every exit is an entrance."
Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

Shamus's Obituary

Shamus opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. Furious, he quickly phoned his best friend Finnegan.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finnegan, "...where ya callin' from?"