German Clock Maker

Q: What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'?
A: 'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'

Role Reversal

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! She approached one of the women for an explanation, "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.

Irishman Suicide

Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by  swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.