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Ethnic / Country Jokes
The Final FBI Test
There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and they are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test. "We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wife's cell and kill her." The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been married too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out. The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wife's cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out. So the Ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wife's cell. "That fucking bitch is really going to get it." Gun shots went off until there was no more shots left. He was still in the room and all of a sudden, there was banging and scrapping and crashing and then silence. The Ukranian came out with cuts and bruises all over his face. The agent asked, "What the hell happened in there?" The Ukranian replied, "Some fucker put blanks in the gun so I had to strangle the bitch!"
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Ebonics Christmas
Wuz de nite befo Crimmus an' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin', Dey wuz sleepin' good. We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause be bringin' our check. All o'de fambily wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads. Passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw when I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!" I looked out thru de bars what covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff wif a warrent fo sho and what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon pulled by giant warf rats! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white, but looks liken us bros gets a black Sanna dis nite. Faster dan a Po'lees car my home boy he came he whupped on dem warf rats an' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo, and on Willie Lee, on Saphire, on Chenequa, dey wuz a site to see! As he landed dat watta' mellon out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' da damndest site I ebber did see. He didn't go down no chimbley he picked da' lock on my doe, an' I sez to myself, "Shit! he done dis befoe!" He had dis big bag full of prezents I 'xpect wid Air Jordans and fake gold to wear roun' my neck. But he not leevin no prezents, jus stealing my shit, got my drugs, got my guns, got my crack pipe, still lit! Wit my stuff in de bag out da window he flewed I woudda' tried to cut him, but he stoled my 'nife too! He jumped on dat wadda' mellon an' whipped out a switch, he wuz gone in a seccon', dat sum of a bitch! Next year I be hopin' anutha Sanna we git Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause jus' ain't werf a shit! Murry Crimmus
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Perks of Husband's Retirement
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?" "A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
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