Shooting the Shit

An American-Indian walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other.
The Indian says to the bartender, "Me want beer!"
The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He then serves the Indian a tall glass of beer. The Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air, and blasts it with the shotgun. He then walks out, leaving everyone in the bar in shock 
Five days later, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other.
He struts up to the bar and tells the bartender, "Me want beer!"
The bartender says, "Whoa there Chief, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were here. What was that all about, anyway?" he asked.
The Indian explained, "Me training for job as government employee. Drink beer, shoot the shit, disappear for a few days, then come back and see if somebody else has cleaned up the mess me left behind."

Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They're about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says, "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and just ahead is a tree loaded with bacon. It has raw bacon, fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree!" "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the dessert, don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within ten yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it?"
"Pepe ... ees not a bacon tree ... Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...!"

Many Moons

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?" The Indian replied, "Many moons."