Black Canadian

Q: How come the Black population of Windsor Ontario never changes?
A: Because when the baby is born the father moves back to Detroit.

Irish Scuba Divers

An American tourist asks an Irishman, "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat!"

Murphy the Drunk

"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!" "I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"