The Kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.  As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.  "She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.  Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!"  So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.
Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.  After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said..."I don't know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

Getting the Recipe

Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cuisine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home. Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked.
However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips. The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monastery, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers. So he quickly ran down the street to the monastery and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the "Fish Friar." The brother repiled, "Nope, I'm the Chip Monk!"

Diplomat Wants Water

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.