Don't Do To Wife In Labor

Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room

1. Clip your toenails.
2. Read a Playboy magazine.
3. Tell the doctor that you want the afterbirth to have it bronzed.
4. Flirt with the nurse.
5. Watch a football game on your portable television.
6. Tell her how pretty and sexy she looks right now.

Birth Control

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Pregnant Mystery

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.  He inquisitively ask the lady,  "why is your stomach so big?"  She replied, "I'm having a baby."  With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"  She said, "He sure is."  Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, "Is it a good baby?"  She said, "oh yes, its a real good baby."  With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, "Then why in the world did you eat him?"