The Infertile Patient

After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants!
"Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position.
"Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor.
"Well, yes, I do," answered the woman.
"Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff... You'll just have to settle for what's on tap!"

Don't Do To Wife In Labor

Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room

1. Clip your toenails.
2. Read a Playboy magazine.
3. Tell the doctor that you want the afterbirth to have it bronzed.
4. Flirt with the nurse.
5. Watch a football game on your portable television.
6. Tell her how pretty and sexy she looks right now.

Pregnant Mystery

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.  He inquisitively ask the lady,  "why is your stomach so big?"  She replied, "I'm having a baby."  With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"  She said, "He sure is."  Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, "Is it a good baby?"  She said, "oh yes, its a real good baby."  With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, "Then why in the world did you eat him?"