Legendary Explorer's Interview

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"

Fishy Advice

A four winged flying horse fish told me I should stop taking drugs if I want to keep my job in animal genetics.

Rash

I've got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants my Dad to take me to the ED.  My dad was like, "Let's not make any rash decisions."