Leper at the World Series

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else.
Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs you, I will move." "It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game." A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit." "It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit." "Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave. But the man insists, "Really, it's NOT you." So the leper asks, "Well if it's not me that is making you so sick,then what is it?" "It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."

No Score

On their first date, Sam asks Rosie what she’d like to do. Rosie replies, “Get weighed!” Sam finds this a curious request but takes her to the automatic scales outside the pharmacy. Then he suggests they go to the movies. After seeing the film Sam again asks Rosie what she wants to do. “Get weighed!” says Rosie. Again Sam takes her to the pharmacy to get weighed then suggests they have a meal. After dinner he asks what she’d like to do now. “Get weighed!” says Rosie. Sam is exasperated by these odd requests and after taking her to the pharmacy for another weighing drops her home. Rosie’s mother greets her at the door. “How was your date, darling?” asks her mother. “Wousy!” replies Rosie.

Loaded For the Date

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan, so he went up on his roof and stripped because he didn't want a tan line. But he fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn, especially on his dick. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date. The blonde comes over, they make dinner and are watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's dick really starts to hurt. So he excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his dick to alleviate the burn. The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."