Losing My Mind

An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. "Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here!?"
"Calm down sir! How long have you been like this?"
"Like what?"

Paranoid Idiot

Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

Psychiatrists and Patients

Q: How do you tell the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
A: The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!