First Time

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night.
I wanted my first time to be special.

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for my job. My boss was pissed-off and fires me. When I left the office and went to the parking lot, I found that my car had been stolen. The police said it happens all the time and it will probably not be recovered. I got a cab to return home and left my wallet and credit cards in it. The cab driver drove away before I got his cab number. I go inside my house and find gardener in bed with my wife. I walked to the drug store and then came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink the poison in my glass."

Saran Wrapped

Q: What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
A: I can clearly see "you're" nuts!