Manners

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?".  "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.  The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that".  "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.  "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."  The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?".  "There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated.  The receptionist nodded approvingly, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"  "I can't piss out of it," the man replied!

Wearing Suspenders

Your sister's so anorexic she has to wear suspenders with her skinny jeans.

Chef Salad

Q: What kind of salad does an epileptic chef make?
A: A seizure salad.