The Frantic Pregnancy Call

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?", the emergency operator asked. "No, you idiot!", the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

Mentally Disabled in a Suit

Q: What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?
A: Mr. President.

Body Cast

A man is in a hospital bed completely wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move, I'll be right back." When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" "I hiccupped."