Christmas Party

On the night of the school Christmas party, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's grandpa and her dog, Rover. As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the grandpa yells ''ROVER!'' The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the grandpa yells again, ''ROVER!'' The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.'' So he lets it rip and the grandpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''

Two Things To Worry About

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about; but if you are sick, there are two things to worry about: either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about; if you die, there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But, if you go to hell you'll be so darned busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry...

Beware of Spot

A man goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of wind and needs to relieve some pressure . The family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let out a little fart and if anyone notices they’ll think the dog did it. He farts, and the mother yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The man thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.” He releases another fart, and the mother again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally, the mother yells, “Dammit Spot, get down before that bastard craps on you.”