Chance to be Healed

A deaf man, a blind man and a disabled man heard a rumor that God came down to a mountaintop to solve people's problems. They all went to find out if it was true. God asked the deaf man, "Can I help you, son?" The man signed that he would be so happy if he could get his hearing back. God touched the man and suddenly he could hear. God then touched the blind man and he was able to see. The third man was sitting in his wheelchair with his mouth wide open in amazement. God looked at the man and asked him what he wanted. The man drew back and yelled, "Don't lay one finger on me. I'm on disability!"

Yard Work Sign Language

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, 'Where's the rake?'  She replies by nodding her arms like she can't hear.  So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.  She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch. He runs upstairs and says, 'What?!'  She says, 'I left tit behind the bush.'

Doctor Visit

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. The Doctor says, "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" The biker replies, "Yes, Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!"