Helen Keller's Ear

Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: Answering the iron.

Mute Man's Ideal Woman

A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"

New Hearing Aid

A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. "It's marvelous," he enthused to a friend. "Since I acquired it, I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!"
"You don't say," said his friend. "What kind is it?"
The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered, "Twenty minutes after two."