Sex Is A Killer

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do." The doctor thought for a moment. "Look," he said, "Here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to keep an erection and have sex six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex." "Wonderful, doc," said the grateful patient. "I'll start with this right away." He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face. Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "What happened to your wife?" "Don't worry, doc," the patient reassured him, "two more days and she'll be dead."

Golfish Dead

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!'

Looking Forward

If you die and get cremated, you can be put into an hourglass and still be included in family game night