Important Question

Q: How do you keep a terrorist from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

What's that sound?

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commemorative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

Does Work Kill

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".