Mother-in-law burial

Two friends meet each other on the street. "Hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law"  replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill,  "But why is your face scratched all over?" "It wasn't so easy!"  said Sid, "She put up a hell of a fight!"

Indulging in Habits

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they indulge in their bad habit one more time, they will die. Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, "I don't care if I die, I need a drink." The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead. Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, "If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead."

Does Work Kill

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".