Half of Everything

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that." The first guy says, "I want a million dollars." The genie says, "Are you sure?" He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million. The second guy says "I want a new car." The genie says, "A lawyer is getting two new cars then." The guy says, "Oh well. I want my car." *poof* He has a new porche. The third guy says, "I want to be beaten half to death."

The Good Part

A doctor pulls the bedsheet over the face of one his patients. He turns to the nurse and says, “We’ll look on the bright side. At least he’s stable.”

Cramming

"Why do you keep reading the Bible everyday?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather. "Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Grandpa.