Don't Take Chances

A man receives a letter informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also asks whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."

Army War Game

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way." The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

At the Top of the Stairs

Q: What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
A: A quadriplegic in a house fire.