Wife Buried Her Husband

An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

Cold One

Q: Who doesn't like a hot date?
A: A necrophiliac.

Ex-Girlfriend

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years. Has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.