Army of the Lord

A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

The Pope

Q: What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?"
A: Popeye beat the shit out of him!"

Better Than Pork

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you're suppose to be celibate. But...." The priest replied,  "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"