Kissing Grandma

Q: What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
A: When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Smith Brothers

The last heir of the Smith Brothers cough drop empire recently died.
There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

The Sick Coffin

A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump.  The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town down a steep hill. It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. when suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter.  The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"