Singing Telegram

It was the morning of Ralph's birthday and there was a knock on the door. "Telegram!" Filled with excitement, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy standing before him, "Is it a singing telegram?" "No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore," the messenger replied. "Oh, but I've always wanted to receive a singing telegram," a disappointed Ralph moaned. "Couldn't you just bend the rules a little and make an old man happy?" "I'm sorry, sir," replied the messenger. "Please," Ralph pleaded, "after all, today is my birthday." "Alright, sir, if you insist," the messenger said. "Dah-dah dah...dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!".

Looking For Anya

After WWII, two Poles returned to their destroyed village to locate the first one's wife. Going through the rubble, Victor came across a dismembered arm and called over, "Hey, Stanley, wasn't this Anya's arm? I think this is the wristwatch you gave her." "I dunno, Victor," said Stanley, and they continued the search. A little while later, Victor came across a severed leg. "Stanley, couldn't this be part of Anya? She had great legs." Stanley shrugged and they walked on. Finally the energetic Victor came across a woman's head, which he held out at arm's length for his friend's inspection. "Nope," said Stanley at last. "Anya was a lot taller."

Staggering Wife

Q: What do you do when your wife is staggering?
A: Shoot her again.