Baby Feet First

Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Perspective

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through hallways on a gurney by two nurses. "Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest. "No" says one of the nurses, "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

Undertaker Story

An undertaker comes home with a black eye. "What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."